This show inspires me to have sex in space
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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