So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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