Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
