It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
