my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
