put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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