Where is the hickey?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
