I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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