so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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