I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
