Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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