she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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