So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think I just sharted jello shots
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
