Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
