I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
