It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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