im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
