barbara walters just said penis...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
