His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
