Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
