Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
