what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
