guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
