I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
