I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize