Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
