I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
