So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
