I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
