the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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