Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
