you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
