i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize