she smelled like a LAN party
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
