I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
