The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
someone owes me an orgasm
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
