If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
