so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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