fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
