You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
That's when you crack a 10am beer
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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