my vag is so smooth its legendary
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
