remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
