I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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