im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
