Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
