i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
