i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
