OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
