oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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