Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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