what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize