So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
