she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
