i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We had to coat check the pizza.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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