there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
