K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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