I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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