We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
