1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
too bad you live with your parents still
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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