i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
