i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
