check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
