Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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