I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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