pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
