apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
