We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
